this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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