dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
