I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
