Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
