It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
