I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
