There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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