His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
