sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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