wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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