It was confusing and full of hummus
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
