i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
