No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I will pee on everything he values.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
