I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
