you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He did a backflip because drugs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
