he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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