I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
