well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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