Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
