My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
