dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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