tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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