RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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