I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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