She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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