oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
