that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
