it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
