Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
