DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
