Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
