I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
