Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
