you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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