Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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