and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
