Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
