I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
