I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
