Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
