I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
