i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
