If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
