i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
