careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
