Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
