I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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