I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
