I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
