do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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