You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
