so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
