I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
