absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
