At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
