maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
