I puked a lego.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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