"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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