I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
