oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my shit smells like andre
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
