these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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