i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
