My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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