And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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