She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
